What is the spirit of Christmas? Is it all about carols, holly and candles? Or is it the atmosphere of love, joy, peace and goodwill that move many to be generous? An essay entitled “The Spirit of Christmas,” published by the Royal Bank of Canada, stated: “All too many ‘Christians’ only qualify for that description conceptually for a few weeks every year, oozing good will towards their fellow men until after the New Year, when they can go back to their dog-eat-dog existence and their indifference to the plight of other human beings.” What is “essentially wrong” with the Christmas spirit, continued the same letter, is that it is often short-lived.

Why does this celebration have such an ephemeral effect? The answer mainly lies in the original meaning of Christmas. Was Jesus Christ really born on December 25th? No. U.S. Catholic states: “The Romans’ favorite festival was Saturnalia, which began on December 17 and ended with the ‘birthday of the unconquered sun’ (Natalis solis invicti) on December 25.” Somewhere in the second quarter of the fourth century, savvy officials of the church of Rome decided December 25 would make a dandy day to celebrate the birthday of the ‘sun of righteousness’ or in other words Christ, with the aim of appeasing both Christians and Pagans. Christmas was born but Christ never was in them.

Indeed: do people ever remember what Jesus did or think of his wonderful teachings about love, kindness, and forgiveness during the festive days? Only a few. Battling over money, drinking too much and not fulfilling one’s role in the family can lead to terrible fights. An emergency-room physician in a Moscow hospital explained: “For doctors, it’s a given that the New Year’s celebration will mean a slew of injuries ranging from bumps and bruises to knife and bullet wounds, most having been caused by domestic violence, drunken brawls, and car accidents. The number of suicides and murders is jumping as well.”

In a troubled world like this parents have a gigantic challenge on their hands—to raise loving, happy, unselfish children. How are they going to build a relationship of love and trust when undermining their children’s intelligence with lies about Santa Claus from such an early age? They are teaching children not to assign too much value to material acquisition, but in the meantime they judge their generosity as parents by the number of presents lying under the Christmas tree. Children tear apart their presents, one after the other, just to end up asking for more.

What of families who simply cannot afford the lavish gifts hawked as Christmas musts? And what about youngsters in broken homes who are made painfully aware of the gap in their families at holiday time? “All too often the highlight of the holiday gathering is opening the presents,” says The New York Times. “That emphasis gives children the message that presents are what the family gathering is all about and sets them up for disappointment.”

The conspicuous giving over Christmas period can become joy-killing and wasteful even for adults, who save all year to buy gifts that others may not need or want just because it is the expected thing to do. It is even worse when gifts are given to paper over a troubled relationship. According to Canadian doctor Richard Allon, “if you can’t be nice to one another all year, you won’t make up for it by an expensive gift. You won’t expiate your own guilt, and you’ll probably give some to the other person.”

Certainly, giving out of love, not tight to a date and expecting no gifts in return can really set us free from Christmas frenzy and relieve us of the heavy yoke of financial debts that many incur at that time of year. After all, giving of our time and abilities to edify and build others up mentally and spiritually is a gift more valuable than material presents. This superior giving strengthens family ties, cements friendships, and brings true joy all year long not only to the receiver but especially to the giver. So why not try a different approach towards Christmas this year? Why not try a better way?